Did I waste it? Reflections on 18 years of competetive soccer.

It's really over. After talking with a teammate tonight about the ins and out of the future Golden Bear Soccer squad...it finally hit me: I am no longer a competitive level athlete.

Identity crisis? No, but definitely emotion. With a wedding and graduation quickly approaching, my mind has been consumed with the next task or appointment. What was it for? Why did I spend so much time making sure my body could endure certain lengths of running? What is the measurable result?

1. Relationships. I have been blessed to become good friends with people through this sport.
   
2. Discipline. I have learned that there are consequences for decisions: either good or bad. These choices form a pattern which influences nearly every part of life.
3. Glory. Not mine. I've had a very quiet career. There are no big stats to pull out to impress you or award to show for. I'm not that girl. But I have learned much about glory...

The most precious thing about the past 18 years has been something I call the "switch."

Short and simple, soccer had been a way to receive attention or personal worth up until 10th grade. I played for me. My workouts and efforts were the means to a successful high school career, letter jacket, college scholarship, and anything else I thought would come with the territory.

And then Jesus showed up. Along with 2 stress fractures and a messed up Achilles tendon. My little god of myself had been crushed. I made myself an idol and when my idol died for a season, I was depressed. What can fix this feeling? I thought. Relationships? Popularity? Isolation? What's the answer?

And then I started to hear the Bible. Jesus died for sinners.

Wait, wait, wait. That's offensive. I've heard that all my life, but I don't consider myself to be that bad. I try hard, I'm a good person, I'm nice to people, etc. etc.

But the truth wouldn't leave me alone: no one is good, not even one. The Bible made it clear: there is only 2 kinds of people: bad people and then Jesus--the only good guy.

And this being true, it meant that I was in some serious trouble. I had replaced the God who created me with soccer, with success, and ultimately with myself. The Bible has a pretty serious word for this: idolatry. And what does that merit? Wrath. Hell.

But because God loved me first, he sent Jesus to absorb the punishment I deserve on a cross. For the first time... sitting in an auditorium at Colorado State University, I was absolutely and irresistibly compelled to the person and work of Jesus Christ at hearing the truth that he died for me and my sin.

He promises justification... a right standing with God. First by taking away my sin, and then giving me his own holiness. The reality of this message has changed my life.

So... post "switch..." I learned that all things can be a means to make Jesus look good. To show the world that knowing Him is more satisfying than creating idols. The idol being like saltwater... hoping for it to give you life, but having it kill you more quickly and leave you feeling more and more thirsty.

In conclusion, it is fair to say that I wasted many years of soccer on myself. But by God's grace, the past 6 years have been a process of killing my selfish desire to keep making myself an idol...and acknowledge that Jesus is better. When I took the field with this heart, the game became a means to enjoying the game more because I was playing for the one who gave me skill and motivation in the first place.

I hope you consider the facts:

1. God loves you.
2. Idols disappoint and lead to death and eternal punishment.
   
3. Jesus Christ died for you so that you may know him personally, forever.

Don't waste your athletic career. Don't waste your pursuit of satisfaction on mud pies when you are offered a holiday at the sea. Know God and be free from sin.

My Responses to the Top 5 Questions about our Engagement/Wedding/Marriage

John and I are excited to have set a date to be married on December 18, 2010--God willing. We've shared much joy with friends and family about the engagement. It's also been interesting to hear various responses and reactions from everyone---teammates, friends, family, co-workers, etc. Here are the top five questions, and my written reactions.

1. Q: Are you having alcohol at the reception?
A: Nope. Two Reasons: 1) Most importantly, we see alcohol as a potential distraction to the thing we want displayed most clearly: that marriage is about Jesus Christ. Marriage is by God, and the display of God. For the duration of our marriage ('till death do us part)...we hope to keep this central... so at our ceremony and reception, we hope for the same. 2) An exponentially lesser reason: We do like wine and beer, but not that much--it saves us a lot of money to not serve alcohol.

2. Q: Do you have jobs lined up?
A: John graduates this spring. I graduate December 15 (yes, 3 days before the wedding). John hopes to find a teaching job in the cities--that is what we're praying for and working towards. At this moment, we don't have a promise of income. But we do have prayer and planning. We've worked hard in school, athletics, and part-time positions to make ourselves marketable. We do believe it is the husband's role to be the "bread-winner" and that God speaks with much weight about the subject. We are trusting God to provide a sustainable income for both of us, a place to live, and food to eat. We believe his promise that he grants us "ALL THINGS pertaining to life and godliness." But this promise doesn't make us lazy. We are working hard in planning, networking, and applying in order to find these jobs. Please pray with us and if you know of any opportunities, please let us know!

3. Q: Aren't you too young to get married?
A: I don't think so. I used to compare our relationship to other relationships... "well they got married during college, so we can too." Or "Well they are waiting to get married for a few years after college in order to be financially stable." This brought me to realize: other relationships aren't our standard. God's unique call and provision within our own relationship is the criteria.

4. Q: How many attendants do you both have? And who are they?
A: We both have six. That's "a lot" (to some), or "sounds good" (to others), and even "I probably couldn't pick less than ten" (for one). We have included some of our dearest family and friends in our wedding party, and it happens to be 6 each. We are blessed to have these people in our lives and are excited to thank them for their friendship to us. At the moment, we have already asked each attendant to be a part of the wedding...except I think that John has one more yet to ask.

5. Q: How much money are you spending? Who's paying?
A: Trying to pinch pennies while being realistic is hard. Basically, a wedding costs an arm and a leg... so John is giving up his leg, and I'll give up my arm (the right arm, preferably...so I can still wear a ring)! ;o)

Thanks for being curious about our wedding... we hope it will be a good time that puts the beauty of Jesus Christ on display.

Sara Grace

Flyleaf--Beautiful Bride

Unified diversity
Functioning as one body
Every part encouraged by the other
No one independent of another
You're irreplaceable, indispensable
You're incredible
Incredible

(Chorus)
Beautiful bride
Body of Christ
One flesh abiding
Strong and unifying
Fighting ends in forgiveness
Unite and fight all division
Beautiful bride

Strengthen your arms now
Train your fingers for battle
Urgency's here now
Train your fingers for battle
Fighting this violence
With your feet wrapped in peace
Sad tears and silence
Now screams of joy
Victory

(Chorus)
Beautiful bride
Body of Christ
One flesh abiding
Strong and unifying
Fighting ends in forgiveness
Unite and fight all division
Beautiful bride

Beautiful bride
Body of Christ
One flesh abiding
Strong and unifying

We're not gonna fall and forget
How far You went to pick us up
If one part's hurt the whole body's sick
If one part mourns we all mourn with Him
Rejoice, and we'll sing with you
Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah

prepositions matter, and this is why I like them:

Why are words so powerful? phrases, clauses, syntax, semantics... dictate the meaning of a pieced together set of words.

In particular, I have a keen interest in the preposition. Not through the preposition, or on the preposition, or in between the preposition--but IN the preposition. It amazes me that one word can create a sentence that has never before been written nor said. One word can bring you joy or stir up hate.

Even God is particular with his prepositions...because they make all the difference:

Colossians 1:13-14 (English Standard Version)
He has delivered us from the domain of darkness and transferred us to the kingdom of his beloved Son, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.

Praise God that I have been saved FROM His wrath TOWARDS my sin. IN Christ, He accomplished atonement. He appeased God's anger towards my sin THROUGH Jesus Christ who was slain on my behalf. And anyone who believes in Him, will not perish, but have eternal life.

Read John 1. The WORD became flesh.

In Christ

It's been essential for me to remind myself of who I am in Christ lately. I am prone to forget who I am. This makes is all the more easier to continue in sin... to hold onto idols... to indulge the flesh.

Here is some Bible that's been helpful for me:

1 John 3:2-8
Beloved, we are God’s children now, and what we will be has not yet appeared; but we know that when he appears we shall be like him, because we shall see him as he is. 3 And everyone who thus hopes in him purifies himself as he is pure. 4 Everyone who makes a practice of sinning also practices lawlessness; sin is lawlessness. 5 You know that he appeared to take away sins, and in him there is no sin. 6 No one who abides in him keeps on sinning; no one who keeps on sinning has either seen him or known him. 7 Little children, let no one deceive you. Whoever practices righteousness is righteous, as he is righteous. 8 Whoever makes a practice of sinning is of the devil, for the devil has been sinning from the beginning.

Galatians 5: 16--
So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you do not do what you want. But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under law.

He will save the needy from death

I have been made so aware of my pride. The very "sin that got Satan kicked out of heaven," Mark Driscoll likes to put it. What an awful thing, to think of myself as greater or more glorious than God. To look at accomplishments, physical attributes, or dispositions and truly count myself as better. What a slave I've been to my own glory.

But God is faithful, and has humbled me by revealing the reality of myself to me. His Word is like a mirror that reveals my depravity for what it truly is: awful and utterly sinful. My allegiance to myself is unsatisfying. God is good to show me my helplessness. To show me that without His Word and Spirit, I can indeed do nothing but sin. Jesus Christ is a savior, and offers grace to anyone. Won't you come and enjoy the salvation He gives from Sin and self?

He will take pity on the weak and the needy and save the needy from death. — Psalm 72:13

Munich, part one

After a few days in Munich, I have enjoyed the many varying dynamics of another culture. The city has great public transportation--we have been taking the ubahn and Sbahn everywhere. It's true what they say--beer is like water here, the drink of choice at dinner time. The best beer I've tried was the Paulimer, weisbeir at a pub in the Marienplatz, or main square.
New years eve was crazy-- in the city center the people were lighting off their own fireworks, downing bottles of alcohol, then smashing them on the cobblestone... And singing... Random white stripes songs.
Holidays and Sundays, the city shuts down. Sunday we found a starbucks that was open, and another coffee shop in the main square. Otherwise, even grocery stores are closed.
I really enjoy the pace here--maybe it's just because I'm on vacation here instead of living here, but everyone seems to take time at dinner, talking, eating, sipping... I see few people with their nose in a screen. Wifi is hard to come by! I enjoy the freedom from the information overload that is apart of American culture.
I'm waiting at the train stationto head to Füssen. We are going to see the castles today. Tomorrow we will head to Salzburg.
Jet lag finally died for me I think. After a remedy from Whole Foods, and an overload of caffiene in the mornings, I think my body is finally rewired to this time zone.
I continually see the beauty of God's provision and protection and authority. He is intimately at work across the globe... Jesus is Lord over Munich, Minneapolis, everywhere he is good and sovereign.